s

it's 11 am, i stare into the clouds of dust outside. it's a beautiful day; 85f, 50% humidity. they use the air quality index to measure how breathable it is. currently, we're at 650 AQI. wow, that's better than the 655 yesterday. i step outside and i immediately hack a lung. it's okay, better than yesterday. no blood this time. everyone is wearing their gas masks (fucking maskholes) but i'm not a coward enough to believe it. why would i? they say it'll cause cancer. they say it'll cause asthma. they say it'll lower Your energy. my testosterone levels are off the charts, sorry to say. They wouldn't allow it if it was actually bad.

but it's nice to see Corporations doing something about it. i feel thankful that ZhangWang Conglamorate (a subsidiary of Tencent) is lowering their carbon emissions by 2% every year. They help us. They care. They ought to be praised. thank You! thank You very much. thanks. thank You Mr. CEO. thank You Mr. COO. thank You Mr (and Mrs!) Investors. thank You Board of Directors! we (You) are bringing things back to their natural state. kind of, it doesn't really matter to me anyway. i should thank Them.

i head to the PC cafe. it's hard to see with all the dust. it's still better than yesterday, so i don't really care. people are slanted over, their faces white. they're being unproductive, what a shame. they ought be punished. i wipe off a keyboard, plop down and get to work.

"hello Mr. Ceo"... no, that doesn't sound right. "Dearest Mr. Zhang"... no that's still not it. "Dear Sir". that's it. i need Him to realize i know my place. i'm a lower caste, a lesser being. i'm a bug, He is a Human. i don't even have a soul anymore, maybe i never had one. i don't need one. the only ones who need a soul are those who keep the ship sailing. having no soul is better for your career.

"Dear Sir, my name is"-- scratch that, i don't matter. "Dear Sir, i would like to praise You for Your efforts. perhaps it means nothing from someone like me, as compared to You i am an ant. i am a worm. i am disgusting. i am repulsive. i live for You, i live to serve. i am abhorrent. i am vile. i am a virus. i am a pest. i am a leech. i've realized my place, i know it. i sit here and stare at a screen, mouth agape. though Sir, i would like You to know that i no longer compulsively drool all over myself.

i noticed the air was better today. this is all thanks to You. yes, You are all the way on the other side of the globe, yes Sir i do know this. but i see Your efforts and congratulate You on Your mission of saving the planet. i know You care, i know You're far smarter and valuable than i. thank You Sir, thank You so much for making my life better. thank You for making my electronics. thank You for making my vape. thank You for making my television. thank You for making my phone. yes Sir, i know i truly own none of these, i know that You spy on me. i am thankful for You looking out for me! You are in no position to care, but You do. God damnit, thank You Sir, for everything You do."

i scan it over, scan it over twice, scan it over three times. i need to make sure it's as perfect as i can get. tears well on the fourth glance. i hope He sees it, i must check my email regularly so-as to check for continued correspondence. i'm giddy. even if His secretary writes His emails, i will feel honored. i will print it and hang it on my wall. no one comes over anymore. i don't want to see anyone. it's better to be alone, there's more time to be productive.

i open my study stack. 20 textbooks on screen at once. i must consume it, i must become more productive. i must raise my productivity. if i do, maybe my Boss will give me praise. He will tell me i'm doing a great job, He will tell me i'm an important part of the team, He will tell me i play a key role in the Tsumtsung(R) Electronics Corporation(TM) Family(R). He's like my Dad. i call Him Dad to myself. in my dreams, we play catch. i hit homeruns and He congratulates me. maybe in another life. but for now, i will become better for You, Dad.

i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i read. i write notes. i read more. i read again. i write more notes. i'm learning so much important stuff. i'm learning how to program efficiently. ah, yes, i should learn how to operate SaaS services better. i love Amazon(R) Cloud, it's so easy to use. i love Amazon(R) Lambda(TM). when i use it, i feel i'm producing better code for my Family. i love my Family, the Tsumtsung(R) Family.

lazy people are all around me. do they not have a Family like me? do they not have their own Dad? do they not care? how could you not help the Company who graciously pays your wages? how else are You going to pay your bills? how else will You get healthcare? They take care of you. you should be worshipping Them, They are your God now. you must learn, you must practice, you must worship. your value is determined by your output and efficiency. this is the way it should be, the World has shifted in the right direction.

people hate working now. i truly will never understand them. they say they don't want to work 12 hour shifts. what else are you going to do with your life? i've learned so much today. i've learned how to maximize efficiency by 2% for my API. what did you do? you played games? you watched movies? you watched tv? you hung out with people? you made "art"? you made music? You did nothing. how does that help your future business prospects? maybe 1% of you will make it in music. don't tell me you're doing it for fun? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. keep wasting your time. i'll be rising up the Corporate Ladder, one spoke at a time. it's like the tower of babel but real. one day i'll be face-to-face with God.

my Supervisor watches over me. He's a hawk. He makes sure i don't step out of line. unproductivity is mutiny and He's the Executive Officer. thank You for making sure i'm in check. who knows what i'd do if left to myself. please just tell me how to live. please just tell me what to do. thinking is an irritant, it disrupts my output.

i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type. i type more. i type even more. i glance at my notes. perfect, our response time is down from 200ms to 198ms. i have done a great deed. i eagerly pull Him over. "look! look what i did! look. do You see? it's down 2ms. Sir, are You impressed? are You proud?" He walks away without saying a word. maybe He didn't see? "S-sir, look!" his distance grows. "Sir...", i feel abandoned. what the hell? doesn't He see how much more efficient it is? i begin sobbing, sobbing like a child. i am a child. Dad is disappointed. i have disappointed Father.

i cry. why?? i cry. what did i do? i cry. please... i cry. i'm sorry... i cry. i'm worthless. i cry. i'm weeping. i cry. i'm broken. i cry. i've lost it all. i cry. i've lost my chance. i cry. i've lost my future. i cry. i've lost my family. i cry. i've lost everything. i cry. i've lost my life. i cry. i'm worthless. i cry. i'm useless. i cry. i mean nothing. i cry, i'm broken. i cry. throw me away. i cry. leave me to die here. i cry. please kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me. i cry. kill me.

KILL ME. i look around. KILL ME. i see my chance. KILL ME. i take the pen. KILL ME. i look at it. KILL ME. it has the Bosses name. KILL ME. perfect. KILL ME. i hold it to my neck. KILL ME. i raise my head. KILL ME. i look towards the ceiling. KILL ME. thank You. KILL ME. finally. KILL ME. i'm sorry. KILL ME. on three. KILL ME. one. KILL ME. two. KILL ME. three. KILL ME. i slam my head. KILL ME. the pen enters. KILL ME. i breathe ink. KILL ME. blood drips on the keyboard. KILL ME. blood drips down my tie. KILL ME. blood drips on my slacks. KILL ME. blood is everywhere. KILL ME. sorry for the mess. KILL ME. i'm light headed. KILL ME. i hear people shouting. KILL ME. they tell me to stay awake. KILL ME. they're calling 911. KILL ME. it doesn't matter.