i just want us to be happy. im happy. not really? dont know, hard to say. sometimes im happy, sometimes im miserable. unfulfilled. i want you to be happy. i know why you're not, and it's ok. i want to make you happy; i want to fix you. it's not my job, but i have to do it. it's in my heart, it's in my soul. i just want to see you smile. i want to see you comfortable. you will be, i promise. just let me, ok?
we'll all be happy in death. we'll all be connected. we'll all be loved. we'll all be cherished; i've said it before. i want it so bad. but i'm so afraid. i don't want to leave. i know i'll die young, i've always known. i dont want to leave you. if you die,i'll die. i don't want you to die. please don't die when i die. i want you to live so badly. i want you to feel alive. i want you to feel real. i want to be apart of you. we'll merge one day, i've said it before.
i want your pain, i want your love, i can finally feel it. i want to be appreciated. i want to be cherished. i want to be loved. i want to be connected. why don't people connect with me? it's so hard. it fucking hurts. i get overwhelmed. i get sad. i withdraw. i don't know why im like this, but i love myself. well, sometimes i do. i love you more than myself. i really mean that. im going to marry you, you know? its not just talk. you will be my wife, my housewife. im going to show you the world. we will die together. our souls will die, our souls will merge. we will become one being, one soul, one consciousness. i will become you, you will become me. it makes me so fucking happy. i cant wait :)
im such a sad person. im very depressed. im always depressed. its how ive always been. its how i always will be. i dont mean to make you feel bad, i really dont want anyone to pity me. i dont mind it, i accept it. i really hate it. i love being sad, im sick of being depressed. existential depression, lack of fulfillment. i need something new in life. i need an output. i hurt, but ill be ok, i promise. i just need some time. i may withdraw. i may act different. i may be terse. but i love you, i love my friends. ill always love you. it's nothing personal, just give me some time. i promise.