i

it's stressful.
i just want it to stop.

i get urges,
i get angry,
i get frustrated,
i get depressed;


an angry sadness,


a sadness i can't love.


why does it bother me so much? i couldn't even fucking move, breathing heavily. i gripped nothing as hard i could grip. i saw myself bashing my skull and creating a nice dent in the door. something is really satisfying and cathartic about the thought, it just fits. thoughts of punching my wall as hard as possible, breaking every bone. that'd show them, then they'd feel bad. maybe they can feel like i do, then? i don't know. i wish people knew the pain i feel sometimes, or rather, i wish someone actually cared a lot. i wish someone cared for me like i care. it's different, and i don't expect it. i compare my pain and put it down, some trained humbleness. but it's tiresome, i jus want to grieve without feeling bad about it.


it's hopeful and pretty,
i want it to be drawn out.
i want to experience it in it's fullest.
i want to be happy when i die.


it's such a comfortable thought,
to be laughing or smiling;
what about in your embrace?


it's nice.


quickly seems terrible,
what a waste.
but young is a shame.


i want everyone to die,
i don't want anyone to be in pain;
i don't want anyone to die.


the world is beautiful,
life is a marvel.


i want people to be beautiful,
i want people to be emotional.


i love sadness,
sadness is beautiful.
empathy is beautiful.


everyone's emotions,
everyone's tears mixing together;
everyone crying for each other,
everyone feeling everyone's pain.


god it's beautiful,
i want that world.


i'm lucky to be alive,
i'm lucky to be emotional.


i want to breakdown and reset,
i want to wail and scream,
i want to let out all my pain,
i want to let out all my anger.


i want someone to empathize,
i want someone to say it'll be ok
even if i know it'll be ok
(and i do know it'll be ok.)


i want everyone to empathize with everyone,
i want everyone to love everyone.
i want everyone to connect,
i want no-one to feel lonely.




i want everyone's pain,
i want to make everyone happy.