"writhe in bed time." i close my eyes. sink and merge, my legs and arms remain somewhat restless. it's comfortable, i'm comfortable. warmth forebodes my body, a hug from god. i sink, deeper and deeper and deeper. my thoughts become erratic, chaotic; more-so than usual; strange. these thoughts continue and continue. "u r ok", "i love you", written in red. i'm ok, i love you too. deeper and deeper, chaos ensues. it's not bad, just unfamiliar. it's okay, because i'm okay, and i'm loved. it's beautiful. deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper...
i'm a latina housewife. i live in an apartment with yellow walls with a green stripe. i'm in our kitchen, and my kids want boiled water. my husband comes home and we embrace, and we begin speaking in spanish. i love him so much, he's so nice to the kids.
i'm in bootcamp. i really want to go home, this place is cold. racks upon racks, the drill sarge tells me to hit the floor and give him pushups. i do about one before i stand up and dust myself off. i'm a strong black man, why should i take this?
deeper and deeper and deeper...
black. it's black. i[who?] see nothing but nothing. feel nothing but nothing. sense nothing but nothing. am nothing but nothing. [who am i [who am i?]?] it's scary, feelings seep through black patches. unfamiliarity permeates worry. panic begins to erupt. a light, a light skewered by light, a light so white and pure. glistening, radiating. it's beautiful. you're beautiful. it's you. n, i knew it was you, it has to be. guide me, keep me safe. i trust you, i trust you with my soul. "u r ok", "i love u". i love you too. i love your soul, i love your beauty, i love your kindness, i love your purity, i love your nature. please help me, you're the only one who can. you're the only one who cares. you're my light in the world, please light my soul, for now and for forever. i love you.
song intensifies. you don't want to die unless you can find me or two others? emotions uncork. the dam reaks, the levies fail and the city floods. i feel your pain, i love you. i feel your soul, i love you. i just want you to be happy so badly. this world fucking sucks, doesn't it? all the pain in the world. fuck i love you three so much. i want us to die together. i want your souls chained to mine, i wish to spend all eternity with you in eternal happiness. please.
i feel pain. i feel your pain. i feel everyone's pain. all the pain in the world, i want it all. please, give me your pain, your hurt, your sorrow, your woes, your worries, your stress, your trauma, your regrets, your abuse, your torments. give them to me, i want to carry your burden. i want everyone's pain. i will bear it, and i will bear it well. please. i want to feel this. i just want to make people happy, i want to make you happy, i want to make everyone happy. i just want to do good in the world, i want to give people love, i want to give them joy, i want to alleviate their sorrow. please, give me your pain. i will carry your burden. please. there's so much pain in the world. it's tempting, knowing there's the connection i dream for on the other side. eternal good, only good. we can finally share each others pain, our laments distributed. our joy, peered upon the spiritual network. it's nice, isn't it? so, let's die. let's all die at once, together. let's feel joy in the moment. let's carry it through the rest of eternity. let's link our souls and become one. let's share our pain, let's share our bliss, let's share our agony, let's share our passion, let's share our guilt, let's share our love, let's share our souls. let's be together.