g

swallow and let's go. let's wait a bit, the calm before the storm? i don't know, it's been a long time, maybe never? wait. still waiting. oh, there you are. familiar feeling through arms and legs, it's okay. huh, words split in 2. words split stretched. words betray comprehencmrozwkefs- i'm slipping back i'm falling through fuck i don't want this? i don't want this? i don't want this? i don't want this i don't want this i don't want this i don't want this. regret. trapped. panic time. panic time. panic. panic. panic. panicing. i'm panicing. i'm panicing i'm panicing i'm panicing i am panicing. fuck, an hour? what? panic intensifies. panic panic panic panic

panicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpciapncapicaipncinpccicapiciacpiacacacic

panic.

mind split.

the altar upon me bestows; brilliant, gem s upon whom patterns adorn, the ring atop my new cross become; my new God. what must i do? how may i happy become? God speak'th: thy femininity, thy masculinity; sacrifice thou shalt. thus he said, and thus the dagger itself presents. with Thine blade, myself i shall dissect; and so i did. my arm, my leg; upon the statue of bull and cat, i lay.

fog, see? can't. fog. blurred. split. two. dream? panic. panic. panic. panicpanicpanic. why? why??? panic. panicing. panicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanic.

body split.

God, what Thou asked, i did. why? an offer inadequate, through me sayeth He. altar glimmers, a diamond flurry. triangular. trapezoidal. void of space beyond, stars glitter; geometric stars; a pixel nebula. upon a verge so desperate, myself and blade merge; my tummy, my chest. upon the statue of bull and cat, i lay.

f. s? c. f. b. s. t. d? p. p. p. ppp. w?w??? p. p. ppppppppp.

soul split.

knees buckle, i weep. God, please. why? please. please. please. i'm begging You, allow me to be happy. please. i'll do anything. i love You, please. please. i don't know what to do anymore. why do this to me? i'm a good person, i know i am. what have i done to deserve this? please just let me leave, tell me what i must do... from within, temptation rises. knife meet breast, cease pain exist. i love You. one artery, two. i love You. my life beats upon my hand, and i live. i'm alive, i'm eternal. my gift: my heart, my breast.

i love You, i love everyone.