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curled up touch loss don't know. it's here and material, light warm candles inside. love smoke empathy embers, slips into bed. i'm here, i'm comfortable. closed eyes, whisked away. green tendril blue tendril: cuts black, immaterial; soul apparent. key unlocked, door ajar. "what is the truth? what is beyond rationale?" i say to the void. feelings eclipse, presence eclipse. i love u, written in red. u r ok, written in red. slow. fire. sparked. glowing. i'm gone, i detach. movie theater, i'm here. drive-in, pittsburgh. why am i here? i can't question it. i want to go back, so i do go back. in the dark, i feel it. close eyes, welcome back. green tendril blue tendril. cuts black, immaterial; soul apparent. key unlocked, door ajar. "what is the truth? what is truth beyond rationale?" i say to the void. feelings eclipse, presence eclipse. i love u, written in red. u r ok, written in red. incessant, persistent. demon? tulpa? God? please be God. no. feels unfriendly; feels unwelcoming. i rise, i sit. "you want to help? you may help me." i submit. i wait. the feeling disappears, my feeling disappears. not malicious perhaps, i don't know. distortion subside, clarity resumes. extreme vulnerability, emotional vulnerability. spiritual vulnerability. what if my soul dies alone? what if my soul is untied? i dont want to die alone. i'm panicking; i don't want to die alone. i don't want to be alone. i don't want to die alone. i don't want to wander. i don't want to die alone. i don't want to be lost. i don't want to die alone. i'm crying; i don't want to die alone, i don't want to be alone, i don't want to die alone, i don't want to wander, i don't want to die alone, i don't want to be lost, i don't want to die alone. i'm wailing; i don't want to die alone, i don't want to be alone, i don't want to die alone, i don't want to wander, i don't want to die alone, i don't want to be lost, i don't want to die alone. i don't want to die alone. i don't want to die alone. i don't want to die alone! calm embrace. i see. i feel it. a pure, imminent bliss; a pure and blissful good. blinding white, but feeling. i see now, a truth reclaimed. i won't die alone. i won't be alone. i won't wander. i won't be lost. no abject terrors, no earthly laments. no sorrow, no grief; only good, wholly good. friends and family; my parents: the love, attention, care lost as a child made up in spades, "you're cared for, you're special, you're loved, we're proud of you..." held, loved. finally, for all eternity. my heart, my soul, love beyond love in eternal bliss. i must share my soul, my soul must be tied. my husband, my wife; our heart, our soul. i'm relieved, i'm renewed.